haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
