Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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