this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
