How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
