Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
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If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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