I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
