Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So vagazzling was a success
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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