"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
