the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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