He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
