I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
