you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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