Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
