I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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