Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
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But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize