My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
