yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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