And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
