after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
