i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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