Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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