I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You pole danced in your parka.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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