It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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