there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
