WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
