Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
