i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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