conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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