I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
