i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Randomize
