This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
