Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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