I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
