Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
