so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
