once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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