Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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