Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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