I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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