It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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