I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
