kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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