I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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