I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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