ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
