We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
