batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
