FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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