Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
