i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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