Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
