I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
