I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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