Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
