is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
