3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
