A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
