Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
