I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
