i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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