Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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