last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
