I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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