this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
