My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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