i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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