i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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