I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
