What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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