I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
