i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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