Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
