So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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