Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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