True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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