She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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